im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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