She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
