Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
soo... how was my night?
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