my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
