i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
