Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
