So drunk, too bad you don't want this
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
