Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
