sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
