I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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