I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
