I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
