so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize