it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize