I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
