he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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