My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
