i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize