Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
