Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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