Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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