that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
