My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
