My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
