so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
