Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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