Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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