i don't like sucking hair
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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