just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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