i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
