Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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