So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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