What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
