The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
