I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
