Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.

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(386): View more from Florida

According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We need to start having sex underwater more often.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??

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(734): View more from Michigan

The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.

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(515): View more from Iowa

you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny

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(904): View more from Florida

I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.

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