Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
