I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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