Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
