wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
