The maid of honor just puked.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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