paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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