He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize