I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
