i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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