We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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