I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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