She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
