That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
