He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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