I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
