You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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