I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My dick has a subreddit
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
