when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he shaved USA in his pubs
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
