At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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