google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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