Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
