everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
