he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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