I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
