if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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