I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
