sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
