So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
