don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
